woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
