I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize