Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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