cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
