you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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