Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
