Well douche your snatch and let's go!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
