He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
