Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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