Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
