I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
