I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
