I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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