i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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