just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
