Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
