Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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