it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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