He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
