She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
