APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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