I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
