I'm jealous of your bromance
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize