we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
