Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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