I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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