with your own penis?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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