I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
