tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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