I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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