I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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