he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
