her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
