A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
