It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize