Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
