I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
