and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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