so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
