Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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