and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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