my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think my fart just growled at me.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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