I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
