if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
