Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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