I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
