I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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