People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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