Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
