I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
