why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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