girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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