i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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