You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
