Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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