help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
