i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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