I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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