HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
