we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
