I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
