Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
