I bet he comes in French.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
