anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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