I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize