ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
