No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You're a waste of cheezeits
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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