So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
